family, origins and issues : I lived for 14 years in Réunion. > It's been a long time since I last saw my dad. > We don't talk much. He doesn't know what skype is. > My parents are unemployed, my dad can't even speak french. > he's a native german, but can speak creole too, since he still lives in réunion. > i had the occasion to learn german with him, but i'm not fluent at all. > i lived a whole year without my parents, with my older sister. > it wasn't a funny period, since she was pregnant and her boyfriend was telling me that i was making her nervous, because she had to take care of me but she was too young and i was too old, blablabla... duties and responsibilities... blablabla. > i'd never had problem with school before that. i started thinking that everything surrounding me was stifling me. and it led to demotivation at school like at home. i had to go abroad, first because i was almost fluent in english and i wanted to improve my english, and then because i had to breathe, take a break. > it was hard because we had no money for it,  but with "help yourself" and the education welfare officer, i realized my dream.

dreams : i was not really sure of what i wanted to do in my life until a year ago. i took part in a play, with eitc, it was "connemara burning" and i met wonderful actors from ireland. they were so funny, so cool. and, being part of the show opened my mind and my eyes. i knew from that moment that it was what i really wanted to do for a living. but, i wasn't really sure if i had to start with plays and theater in general. so i started to think about an acting career not on stage, but in movies. It's funny because when I was a kid, I wanted to be a forensic scientist. Then, during my first year of high school, I wanted to be a neurologist -that's why i chosed the "s pathway". and now, i want to be an actor which is completely different ! anyhow, i had big dreams (and still have), the will was here, the money wasn't !

friends and first love : i had pretty cool friends in my homeland, but we have not kept in touch when i moved in mainland france. i went to boarding school because my sister's house was too far from the high school. there, i met amazing dudes. there was a british boy, his name was guy and everybody was pronouncing it à la française. we were always speaking in english and people had trouble following our conversations. there was also jeremy, a troublemaker but a really good friend of mine. and there was fabien, a tall guy who played basket ball and danced like a god. > the first time i felt in love was when i was in seconde, the first year of high-school in france. the problem was that it was for baptiste, a dude. he was one of my best buddies and was always talking about tractors, horses, cows, harvests and so on because his parents were farmers. he was really close to me, he knew everything about me. except the fact that i was really confused about what i was really feeling for him. i told it to gaëlle, my bff, a girl with pink hair. she said that us being a thing was impossible. the reason was that he asked her to be his girlfriend... and i played gooseberry for two years.

habits, foibles and weird skills : i'd rather have tea than coffee > i'm pretty bad at cooking and know nothing about french cuisine. > i love cute things. > i'm often making weird noises. > i love imitating the valley girl accent. > when i speak in another language (than french and english), i look like an italian (making exaggerated gestures, letting my hands do the talking) and sound like a spanish cow with a russian accent. > i can lick my elbow and recite the alphabet backwards without hesitation. > i use "like" as a gap filler. > i say the word "fuck" at least thrice in a quarter of an hour. > i know how to twerk. > sometimes, i pretend to be singing in english while saying things which are absolutely everything but english. in france, we call that "faire du yaourt".

if only i knew how bad they were uuuuuhg. i was so stupid thinking something like "us" would happen. he's so... i don't even have words to describe what i'm feeling. i've spent the last two months writing his fucking name every-fucking-where. even on my fucking skin. that was how much i loved him. being fifteen, alone, and seing everyone being happy in their couple, it's so awful. i hate that. i hate these feelings. i hate him. i hate her. why do i have to be born interested in people (i would end up desiring with every ounce of my being) who are not caring at all about me ? it must be karma. i must have done something bad lately. well, karma's a bitch. i mean, baptiste he has that smile that makes my cheeks turn red. that laugh that offers good vibrations. those fucking blue eyes like seas i want to die in. and he loves a girl that doesn't give a single fuck about him. she told me that ! she told me she wasn't sure if she loves him or not. and i'm in the middle of that, loving him so madly that it's sad. you might have noticed that i'm a bit angry since i'm writing like a spaz. well, fuck it. i'm enraged. and it's not even their fault. they are not the ones to blame. i'm the one to blame.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck [...] fuck fuck fuck.

oh, and, i've found a cat in the street one week ago.  
already took a gillion pictures.


song of the week : chasing pavements, adele.

what. a. mo-. -ron. i'm starting to feel really uncomfortable next to him. we have nothing in common. he's a jerk who got my sister pregnant twice. and then, he thinks he has all the power in his hands. he thinks he owns her. well let me tell you how it works : you're not as powerful as you think you are, bastard. his brother came out last week. i knew it way before that. i'm not a psychic, my gaydar never fails, that's all. he's not talking with him anymore. it's like in this famous song, his brother is like somebody that he used to know. he already dislikes me. the day he'll learn about my sexual orientation, it will be the death of me ! i'm not afraid of that. i don't care about him as he doesn't care about me. it's just that i thought we were in 2014 and people were more tolerant. unfortunately, he's so 1940 ! Same-sex marriage has been legal here since last year. I don't know, EVOLVE, THINK WISER, OPEN YOUR NARROW MIND. do something, at least. he won't listen to me anyway.  when my sister asked him why he was so intolerant, he said that it's because it was abnormal blablabla... the bible blablabla... even animals know that male + female is okay but male + male/ female + female isn't blablabla... we will burn in hell blablabla... same as getting laid by a horse or fucking a child... i don't think he fucking get the point : love is love, for fuck's sake. plus, it's le-gal, unlike pedophilia and bestiality which are psychiatric disorders. bitch, you can't compare something which is not against the law and hurts nobody with something which is absolutely disgusting and forbidden.
nevermind i won't try to open his eyes. he's 24, i'm 16.

PS : selfie is epidemic.



song of the week : fuck you, lily allen.

he was drunk, he almost killed himself while crashing in a candy shop window. oh ! it reminds me of a funny joke. listen : Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it... okay, i have another one :  How do you get a blonde to laugh at a joke on Saturday? Tell it to her on Tuesday ! let's come back to the topic. he's now in custody. the news are saying that he also knocked over a pedestrian. my mom is freaking out but i don't feel anything. it's like i'm emotionless. my dad became someone else after the divorce. i never had any maintenance allowance because he never sent the money. he lost his job, drank more. and now, he's fucked-up. nowadays, i don't really care about what's going on in réunion and with my dad. he's been so far away for a loooong time, so i don't worry anymore. he never called on christmas, or even on my birthday. he just called last month to ask if my mother found a new husband. if he doesn't care about his own son, then i don't care about him too. it's sad, but that's how life is. someday he'll remember me. this day, i'll be married, i'll live in london, i'll play the starring role of a famous show on netflix and i'll adopt two babies from korea. no matter, he'll remember, at least. 

yesterday, i danced in front of almost nine hundred students from my high-school on GDFR with my dance crew. it was amazing. i had a solo dance perfomance in the middle of the song and i had to twerk. it was pretty cool since i'm not the only guy of the crew who knows how to shake his booty, so it was a honor to be regard as the one who can do it best ! we also danced on yoncé and bo$$, and it was some epic shit. i'm finally okay. everything is fine, so why would i have to worry about someone who doesn't give a shit about me ? baptiste went to another high school after he broke up with gaëlle, we're not as close as we were. my ex-brother-in-law is not with my sister anymore (obviously). she's alone with two kids and she' only 21 ! and i already explained why i should not worry about my dad.
fuck'em all.

song of the music : gdfr, flo rida ft. STG & lookas